Nicole's had a pretty rough day today, I'm not going to get into detail about since it's not something to write about on a Blog page. There's nothing worse than hearing the person you love sad over a microphone hundred of miles away. I wanted nothing more than to hug her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Unfortunately all I could do was tell her everything is going to be okay. It's days like this that make it that much harder for me to wait for next year. That isn't to be mistook as me saying I don't want to wait, I'd wait forever for her, I just mean it makes the waiting harder.
When I last left off writing I was talking about going to bed after spending what was quite possibly the best night of my life with Nicole. The next day seemed like a normal enough day, filled with slacking off in class and hanging out with friends, but what was different is I did something I didn't normally do during the daytime, I decided to sign onto the game where I had met Nicole. To my surprise my screen suddenly got a teleport request from her. I was so excited I nearly hopped out of my chair. I quickly clicked the teleport button and waited what seemed like 30 years for my computer to load the place I had gotten sent to. There she was again, what was the cutest avatar I had ever seen in the game.
I oddly got a bit nervous when I saw her, I really wanted to move my avatar and stand next to her but I was afraid that what we had was just a one time deal, and I didn't want to get in between her and any relationships she had formed in game. My heart suddenly filled with joy as I saw her walk over to me and shout my name in excitement. I was shy and simply responded with a meager "hi!". The day was filled with quirky dialogues between us talking about being gangster. Well they were really more like, how gangster she was and how white I was.
As we talked a question continually rang in my head, would I be able to talk to her again tonight. I was too shy to ask so I simply continued our chat about doing drive-bys. When night finally came around we were getting ready to log off and head to bed. My stomach churned, I didn't want to let her go without me. I mustered up the courage and finally asked "Can I tell you another bedtime story C?"
To my happy surprise she responded that she would love another bedtime story. I had earlier fiddled with Skype and gotten it working, so this time we met on Skype. I smiled as I saw her screen name come online and send me a call. We began talking and as we talked I began to notice a faint sensation in my chest again. A feeling that I hadn't felt in the longest time. It was odd to me that I could get a feeling like this for someone I had never seen before. The night was stilled filled with her beautiful laughter and her discovery of the word "broad". Before either of us knew it, it was 4 AM again and we decided it would be the best idea to go to bed as we both had things to do in the morning.
I laid down in my bed, staring at the ceiling of my empty room again, it's quietness disturbed by the faint thumping of my heart beating against my ribcage. I smiled and let out a quiet little laugh, then looked around the room chuckling a bit more that I had just laughed out of sheer joy. I fell asleep and woke up 6 hours later. I didn't want to wait until nighttime to talk to her again so I logged onto the game to see if she was up. I smiled as I saw her online and again received another teleport request. Another 30 years of loading passed and I finally saw her, she was excited to see me again! She told me to sit next to her and I did and we went to our private IMs. She told me she had heard a woman say "broad" in a Panera Bread and cracked up. I felt a sense of happiness knowing that she had remembered the things we talked about. It seemed that as soon as I sat down my next class had begun, so I said goodbye and left.
The day went on as usual, only interrupted by the ringing of her laughter in my ears which always put a smile on my face. At the end of the day I returned to my room and signed back on. As you could have guessed by now I had received another teleport. I teleported to her and she stood by me once again. She told me she had gotten bored of the sim we were in so I decided to try and find another sim.
We teleported to a sim that was based on Alaska. We walked around making jokes about the deers in the sims being related to me. We got to a part of the Sim that had a cabin and talked about how nice it would be to live in Alaska and how we both loved the snow. After a while of talking she picked up a snowball and threw it at me. I chuckled and grabbed some snow and attempted to throw it at her, failing in the process and falling onto my face. As I slowly got up, I noticed her standing in front of me, I hopped up and gently pushed her down into the snow. I imagined what it would have been like to be there in real life, looking into her eyes. I slowly lowered my head towards her, in my mind the expression on her face changing slightly, her lips parted slightly open, warm clouds of breath pushing out of her mouth. As my nose got closer to hers I could imagine the feeling of the warmth from her cheeks meeting with mine, the skin of our lips almost touching. As our lips finally met for a split second a sudden thumping came out of nowhere.
I perked my head up from the computer, snapping out of my fantasy and realizing that someone was knocking on my door. I told her I'd be right back and stood up looking through the eyeglass and seeing it was a friend of mine. I awkwardly opened the door and asked what was up. They had wanted to go on a walk, a routine which we had established we'd do every other day that year. I had no choice but to agree as my reasoning was that it'd be silly to ignore friends over someone in a video game. Yet as I told her I had to go, a churning in my chest began that what I was doing was wrong. As if my heart itself was telling me to stay and be with her. I didn't listen to my heart back then, something I wish I could change today.
The walk wasn't bad, the whole time I was walking with my friends I thought about her, I thought about telling my friends about what an amazing person I had met. My mouth kept shut only by the prospect that my friends wouldn't understand doing something like meeting a person in a game. At the end of the walk we stood outside my dorm and talked, a feeling of anxiousness broke over my body, here I was standing feet away from being able to talk to the amazing person who made my heart act differently and I was talking to my friends instead. After a few moments of talking I made an excuse for leaving my friends and returning to my room. I quickly sat in my chair and put on my headset.
I logged back into the game and got teleported again. I saw her sitting in a pillow in a cuddling animation with another guy. I tried to think nothing of it, but I couldn't help the feeling in my chest, as though my heart was being squeezed by my own mind to stop beating again. It was an odd sensation, not quite jealousy, I still can't explain it today. I stood and acted normal since she wasn't doing anything wrong, nobody was. After a few moments I saw her stand up and she walked over to me and stood by me again. It felt like every muscle in my body loosened, as if suddenly everything was right with the world. In my mind I thought I was being a dork and that it was silly for me to be letting things like this affect me.
Still I couldn't ignore the feeling as if something was pushing me towards her, as if I was supposed to talk to her. My mind buzzed with the thought that I'm getting too attached too fast. I wanted to talk to her that night, but I reasoned that perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea, since I was getting feelings so fast for her and perhaps she wasn't towards me. We chatted in game and at the end of the night I told her I had to get up early the next day and that I couldn't talk that night.
I laid down in my bed, staring at the ceiling again. A feeling flooded me as if what I had done was wrong, and that I should have talked to her that night. I stared at the ceiling of my empty room again, trying to clear my mind, but I couldn't stop images of me holding her hand, or looking into her eyes, or kissing her. I had convinced myself that it was only me with these feelings and that it was silly of me to be so worked up after so little time. I let out a final sigh, a tactic that sometimes let my thoughts clear out, and my room suddenly went quiet. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
Side Note: Nicole got me a new tablet for my birthday! She's super duper amazing-tastic!
